Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Monument Journey Towards Ordination - Volume 9

And now, back to our program.

I got off track a bit and now I am going to go back and pick up where I left off in volume 7. I was in my first semester of seminary, barely hanging on when it was discovered that Alisha had a serious brain tumor. (I guess all brain tumors are serious but this one was especially serious.) I have some really vivid memories of getting that phone call in my depressing little apartment. I remember being completely beside myself for a while, then calling Southwest Airlines then calling my sister to get a ride to the airport. Alisha, being the free spirit that she is was not around when I got to Austin. She had tickets to a concert and opted to go.

Alisha was already my fiancée; we had our wedding scheduled for the next spring. However, the next day, I asked her to marry me sooner, before the surgery. She wouldn’t answer me right away, but finally we went to the courthouse and got the license. Our friend Tina performed the ceremony in the chapel at First UMC in Austin the day before Alisha’s surgery. In fact, after the wedding, we had a little cake in the foyer and then, instead of heading off on our honeymoon, we got in the car with her mother and drove to the hospital for pre-op tests.

Because this is about my call to ministry, and not about Alisha, I am not going to write a lot about the surgery. Alisha ought to write a book about the whole thing. The important news is that she did fine and continues to do fine. In fact, given the diagnosis, things went miraculously well. For the point of this series, the key question is, how did this affect my call to ministry?

Looking back, I feel that my calling has always been pretty deep because this part certainly could have derailed it. It wasn’t that it tested my faith; it was that it just sort of got me off track. For two weeks I was focused solely on Alisha. I was just praying, at first, that she would survive, and then I was thinking about recovery, insurance, income and what we were going to do for the next few months.

I thought for a while about dropping out of seminary, for now. And then I did something that really impacted my future ministry. I went to visit the folks at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. I decided to finish up the semester at Perkins in Dallas and then move back to Austin to be with Alisha and what turned out to be a wonderful seminary community. And, oh yeah, I ended up back to Oak UMC, but more on that later!

peace,

will

Friday, May 23, 2008

The Monument Journey Towards Ordination - Volume 8

On our last episode of General Hospital…

It is really difficult to keep forward momentum in this project. I keep wanting to go back and fill in something that I missed. For instance, I could go back and talk about my experience in Disciple Bible Study (mentioned in vol. 2). After I had first expressed my call to ministry, Pastor John had suggested I get more involved. One of the ways I did this was in Disciple Bible Study. I cannot begin to tell you what an amazing impact that study had on my life and call to ministry.

I was with our Bishop, Joel Martinez this past week for his annual meeting with the class of ordinands. Part of his opening reflection was about how it is important to remember those people who helped us and walked with us in our faith journey and our call to ministry. The members of that Disciple Bible Study we are all incredibly important people in my journey. I spent two and a half (and often three) hours a week with eleven other men and women studying the Bible, praying and discussing God’s work in our lives. I learned more about God, scripture and myself in those nine months than I ever have since. That is where I really got to know Rev. Barbara Ruth, my current District Superintendent (and another person who will lay hands on me as the Bishop ordains me at Annual Conference) and my friend Katie who walked with me through some amazingly wonderful and difficult parts of my call to ministry.

It was also during this class that I became very clear about my call. I walked into the class the first week with my brand new Bible having never really read anything from it. During the second to last class, the group is to take time reflecting on each other’s gifts. It was there that I first heard my internal call confirmed by others. I was quite shocked to hear my new friends express that, in me, they saw gifts and a calling to full-time Christian ministry.

I have amazing trust in God’s ability to get things done, but I just can’t imagine that I would have followed my call had it not been for that class. It wasn’t just what I learned, but what I became through it. I guess it is really fitting for a person called to a ministry of deepening discipleship to have been nurtured in his call during a class called Disciple.

As I reflect on this, it really reminds me how important it is for all of us to be aware of those around us who may be wrestling with God’s call on their lives and how important it is for us to be that voice of confirmation. This doesn’t always have to be about ordained ministry. If someone says to you, “You know, I just feel like I might want to work with youth,” and you see in them gifts and talents for that ministry, God may be calling you to tell them that, to confirm what God is placing on their heart. Sometimes confirmation needs to come in the midst of ministry. If you see someone following God’s call and doing a good job at it, God may be calling you to let them know that they are valued.

I am also reminded of the importance of community in our journey as Christians. We are all called to ministry of some sort and that call and confirmation most often come to us in community, in the Body of Christ we call the church. The place where this community does its best work is in small groups, especially small groups that are focused on scripture.

More soon, I promise I will get back to the cliffhanger ending of the last episode!

peace,

will

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Monument Journey Towards Ordination - Volume 7

I seem to be bouncing around a bit. I started in the first post telling about my first step in declaring my call to ministry. Somewhere along the line I got off the timeline and went back to what got me to church. We will call this a flashback sequence. But, if I want to get this project done before I am actually ordained, I better jump forward in time. Maybe, I won’t jump, but fast-forward. I went to that church (Oak Hill in Austin) for a while. I quit that job at KHFI and I went camping. I took my dog Bodhi and loaded up my truck and drove. We camped in Oklahoma, Arkansas and in just about every state on the way to New York where I visited my parents for a while. Then I took off and went to Pennsylvania to see some friends. I stopped by to visit some friends at the radio station I used to work at in Pennsylvania. While I was there I met a man who ran a new division of that radio company in Austin, Texas. He told me to go back to Austin and he would give me a job. So after a little more camping, off I went. I got a cool job which gave me more time to go to church. I got baptized and joined the church. I got more involved. I felt a call to ministry (that was covered in an earlier post). I went to talk to Pastor John and began the inquiry process which got stalled when I hadn’t been a member long enough and restarted a couple months later (also covered earlier). This brings us back up to volume four and my time with Tina Carter at First UMC in Austin. Sometime after I started visiting that Saturday night worship service I: got laid off from my job, fell in love and got engaged, applied to and got accepted to Perkins School of Theology at SMU in Dallas, and finished up the first step or my ordination inquiry process.

So, in the fall of 2001, I packed up my stuff, sent my dog to live with my sister and drove to Dallas to start seminary. I moved into a horrible little apartment about ten minutes from the school and began some of the hardest months of my life. I had never really thought about it before in these terms, but beginning a Master of Divinity degree program less than two years after my baptism was a really crazy thing to do. First of all, nearly all my fellow students had years and years of background that I didn’t. I was one of the younger members of the entering class and I hadn’t grown up the church. I had learned a lot already but many of my classmates were much more familiar with the history, tradition and beliefs of the church as well as much more familiar with scripture. Some of the folks in my classes even had undergraduate degrees in religion. I was a communications major who hadn’t even been through confirmation.

It also occurs to me as I look back that spiritually I was a very new Christian. I hadn’t had time to develop the spiritual depth and foundation to support me through the incredible stress of the workload, the complete upheaval of my life, and the loneliness (all my new Christian brothers and sisters were back in Austin as was my fiancé!)

And then just as I was hanging on by a thread, reading more than I had ever read, learning to write at a Master’s Degree level, trying to continue my spiritual journey, my fiancé, Alisha, calls one day crying. After some prodding, she tells me she has a brain tumor. I have to tell you, for both Alisha and I, before that point, we only used “brain tumor” to describe what something wasn’t, as in “Well, at least it is not a brain tumor.” She had a pretty big one and it needed to come out right away. I was back in Austin that night, leaving seminary behind, for a while.

More soon!

peace,

will

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Overwhelming Sadness

I have noticed that no one is talking about the cyclone that has caused inconceivable loss in Burma nor the earthquake that has killed thousands in China. Then I realized that I wasn't talking about it either. I was pondering this on my way in this morning and I remembered having this feeling a few times before. In fact, whenever we are faced with overwhelming loss like this, our reaction tends to be very slow. I have discovered two underlying reasons.

First of all, it just takes time to process the magnitude of that kind of loss. When I hear that over 100,000 people may die in Burma and that over 10,000 are already counted as dead in China, my brain can't really come to terms with that right away.

I wrote in a blog post August 31st, 2005, (A Deep Sadness):

I am struck with a deep sadness this morning as the full impact of Hurricane Katrina begins to sink in. I realized after December's tsunami that with catastrophic events, it takes a number of days for people to truly understand. Even if we watch all the media coverage, for many, it takes a certain amount of time before the events become real and they are able to begin to process the full emotional impact. I think in a day of information overload, it may be how our brains protect us. But now, beginning to see how bad things are, and beginning to connect with the emotions, this is overwhelmingly sad.

So there is a sort of cognitive delay. There is also scientific evidence that people are less emotionally stirred by mass suffering than they are by the suffering of individuals. There was a great article on this topic by Nicholas Kristof in The New York Times some months back. It was called Save the Darfur Puppy and it looks at some of the research beyond the phenomenon that we can look at something as devastating as the loss in Burma and have little reaction yet be devestated by the story of one little girl who lost her parents in the tragedy.

As the scope of the tragedy does begin to filter into our brains, many of us want to help. Unfortunately we just don't know how. Here is a statement from The United Methodist Committee of Relief about how you can help:

Please continue to pray for the cyclone survivors and for additional venues for assistance to be opened to help those in need. Financial gifts will allow UMCOR to respond immediately and with generosity when the appropriate structures are in place to receive further assistance.

You can give to UMCOR by bringing a check to the church and marking it "UMCOR Advance #3019674, Myanmar Emergency" or you can go directly to their website at http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umcor/

peace,

will

Monday, May 12, 2008

The Monumental Journey Towards Ordination - Volume 6

Previously on Battlestar Galactica… I had just started going to church. I think I will linger on this for at least one post because it is really important. We talk a lot about how to get more young people to follow the call into the ministry. Well, it is very difficult for a young person to follow a call into the ministry if they can’t find their way into a church.

My first visit to church was, how shall I say it, terrifying. I sometimes hear lifelong church people criticizing modern churches for trying to look more like a mall or an office plaza than a church. However, from a person who walked cold into church for the very first time all by himself, I applaud churches who go out of their way, in any way possible to be welcoming to unchurched people. Most people have no idea how terrifying it is for a seeker to take the first step into a church. Many churches make this worse by making themselves quite difficult to enter in the first place. It is very clear, even from the outside that churches have a structure and language all their own. It seemed to me, as an outsider, that churches wanted to make it clear that I was an outsider.

None of the following is meant as a criticism of Oak Hill UMC, where I first attended, especially since they have since remedied most of these things. I went to the church early, at least a half hour before their 8:30 service. I wanted to check things out. Also, being an outsider, I didn’t know how early one was supposed to get there. I saw two, “first time visitor” parking spaces right in front of the building. Did I park there? No way! Do you think a young outsider want to be instantly labeled as a new person? I parked far away. There were three buildings and lots of doors. Being fairly smart, I went to the doors by the visitor spots and immediately entered into the wrong building. I walked right into the choir warming up. I have to tell you, this was a bad way to start off. Fortunately, the choir director Mary Beth was an overwhelmingly graceful presence (most people don’t describe her that way but she was for me.) After inviting me to join the choir, she showed me how to get to the building where worship was held.

I finally got to the right place, was handed a bulletin, sat in the very back row and proceeded to be completely lost for an hour. I tried to follow the bulletin but I didn’t really know what was going on. At one point everyone stood up to sing and I couldn’t, for the life of me figure out why or what they were singing. (I was later told they were singing the doxology to which I replied, “what’s a doxology?”) And then came Holy Communion. I didn’t really know what it was or if I was really invited. (Note to pastors, just because you say, “all are welcome” doesn’t mean everyone hears “all are welcome.” They may hear, “all are welcome except unbaptized heathens” which may be what some pastors actually mean.”) So I didn’t go, even when the usher tried twice to tell me it was my turn. I was the only one who didn’t go.

In reflection, as I write this, I am become more convinced of the power of prevenient Grace. For, if it were not for the power of God’s grace tugging at my heart, in light of my first experience of church, I would have never gone back.

More soon!

peace,

will

Thursday, May 08, 2008

A Gift for Others

This column will appear in this week's Good News, the twice monthly newsletter at Grace.

On June 7, at a service beginning at 10 a.m. at Selena Auditorium at the American Bank Center, Bishop Joel Martinez will lay hands on me and ordain me as an Elder in The United Methodist Church. Just two days later, Alisha, Josh and I along with our dogs Bodhi and Violet (and our turtles Simon and Simone) will drive to San Antonio to start the next chapter of our ministry at University United Methodist Church.

Many people have asked Alisha and I what gift they might give to recognize my ordination and honor my time here at Grace. First of all, let me say that no gift is necessary. My ordination and my time here are precious gifts from God. So many of you have gifted me through your support and presence in this community and through your love and service to God. Second, let me say that any expression of love warms my heart. Third let me say, that truly, I am in need of nothing. With that, let me make a suggestion. A really good way to show your love for me is by expressing your love for others.

Many of you know that I am not an extremely emotional person. However, it brings tears to my eyes that I lack nothing while in our world a child dies every 30 seconds for lack of something as simple and inexpensive as a mosquito net to cover her bed. One of the fruits of the recent General Conference of The United Methodist Church was a renewed commitment to stamping out the diseases of poverty, beginning with malaria. Malaria is a horrible disease that infects nearly 500 million people each year and kills more than a million children. Ninety percent of those deaths are in Africa. What is so sad to me is that this horrible disease can often be prevented simply by providing bed nets treated with insecticide. These nets stop mosquitoes from biting children at night and infecting them with the deadly disease. It costs only $10 to provide a net through the Nothing But Nets Campaign.

To show you my own love for this ministry, I am opening a special offering by contributing the first hundred dollars in honor of the life of Scott Hammond. That’s ten nets, ten kids who may very well stay alive because they will sleep safely. If you would like to give a gift to me by supporting this campaign, you can just write a check out to Grace UMC and write “Nets” in the memo line. You can let me know by sending a card or dropping me an email. You can also go online to www.NothingButNets.net. They will even send an e-card for you so that I will know the gift of life that you have given.

peace,

will

Monday, May 05, 2008

The Monumental Journey Towards Ordination - Volume 5

When last we joined our web slinging wonder…

Where was I? Oh yes, I was telling about going to church in downtown Austin and crossing paths with my good friend Tina Carter. I just can’t say enough how important finding that worshipping community was for my journey. It was just about the time I started worshipping there that lots of things started happening in my life. But let me back up.

So, how was it that a boy from New York State who never went to church as a child, ended up going to church in Austin, Texas in the first place? In case you haven’t heard or read it, I was a radio disc jockey prior to all this. The end of that career is really all tied up in my call to ministry, so let me tell a bit about that. I was working for a rock radio station WZZO in Allentown, Pennsylvania. I had the afternoon slot, 3-7 and the coolest boss on the entire planet. It was a couple years into this job that I began my life as a seeker. I started doing odd things. (Odd for me anyway.) I moved out my apartment and got a house in the country outside of town. I drove all the way to Ohio to buy a very particular Labrador Retriever. I started hiking and backpacking. I became more and more dissatisfied with my very cool job that gave me a very cool income. Not knowing what else to do, I started sending out demo tapes and resumes. To make a long story short, I finally got an offer to move to Austin to direct commercial production for the top 40 station in town KHFI. I took the job since, at the time, I had two sisters living in Austin and my parents spent a lot of time there. I hated the job immediately. It wasn’t actually a bad job. It was even easier than the old one and I had plenty of time to hang out in Austin. But it was clear that my dissatisfaction was not going to be fulfilled by a change of scenery. I continued doing things that were odd for me. I stayed with my sister for a while until I found a double wide trailer for rent on a big piece of land outside town. It was really peaceful. But I was not feeling much inner peace. I was seeking something in my life and I didn’t know what it was. I had a friend who had become an eclectically spiritual person. She thought my issue was a spiritual one and she started sending me books on spirituality, and I thought they were sort of interesting but odd.

It took me a while to remember the timeline of the next part. At some point, the irritation inside me just got overwhelming. I was deeply unhappy and I just couldn’t figure out why. I didn’t feel lonely. I didn’t feel depressed. I was just empty. So the oddest thing happened. I felt this desire to pray. And I had no idea where it came from. And so I did something I had never really done before. I got down on my knees in my bedroom (cause that’s how people pray on T.V.) and I prayed. And I prayed the oddest prayer. I said, “God, show me the path.” It felt weird even saying that and especially saying it to someone who didn’t appear to be in the room.

I did that for a few days. And then stuff started to happen. I noticed that I passed a church on my way to work everyday. Oak Hill United Methodist Church sounded fairly harmless. I decided to go. It was terrifying but it was good. I went for a while and I kept praying. And then the next step became clear. I needed to quit my job and go camping for a while. And oddly enough it was a part of that trip that led me back to Pennsylvania that led me back to Austin and really got things moving, but more on that next time! And then, I swear I will get back to the part about ordination!

peace,

will

Friday, May 02, 2008

...for the transformation of the world

Most of the work done at the General Conference meeting of the United Methodist Church is just about words. They consider, debate and vote on words that appear in our Book of Discipline and Book of Resolutions. Words are important. One very small but significant change votes on this week was to change the statement of mission of the United Methodist Church. Actually it is not being changed as much as added to. The old mission statement was:

"The mission of the Church is to make disciples of Jesus Christ."

The new statement reads:

"The mission of the church is to make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world."

You can read an article on the change here:

United Methodist Mission Statement Revised

peace,

will

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Ordination Tale Returning Soon!

This week I meant to post more about my journey toward ordination. However, life has been a bit hectic this week. Pastor John is in Ft. Worth at the meeting of the General Conference of the United Methodist Church. It is actually a bit quieter when he is gone but there have been some pastoral care emergencies that have consume a lot of my time. I will get back to sharing about my journey next week. In the meantime, you may be interested in what they are all talking about in Ft. Worth. The General Conference, which meets every four years, is the only body that can make decisions for the United Methodist Church as a whole. Our own District Superintendent (and Pastor John's Wife) is a delegate. You can read the latest news about the work they are doing here:

General Conference News at umc.org

peace,

will